08/08--
YOM SHANI

I have three days to repent, lest God curse me again. Yesterday was Day 1.

America's Last Call, David Wilkerson, pp. 46-51.

Beowulf, A New Translation, Maria Dahvana Headley, pp. 20-28.

6:39 PM   The Oracle, Jonathan Cahn, pp. 3-12

6:58 PM The Oracle, Jonathan Cahn, pp. 12-17

I spent most of the day in bed daydreaming about Maggie.

Why I Believe the Bible Is The Word Of God, Phyllis Robinson, pp. 53-60.

08/10--
WODEN'S DAY

At 2:28 AM the words "BEGONE" flashed through my mind.

God told me before the words flashed:

"I have always had the false conviction that I have blasphemed the Holy Ghost since childhood. It runs counter to much of the history I have between me and God. BEGONE false conviction in the name of My Son Jesus Christ!"

"When we can perceive our available options--the range of choices we could make, plus the outcomes associated with them--our capacity for good choices grows"- Stephen Kent, "How the Force Can Fix The World.

I had a dream, actually more than one, and I felt I was directed to talk to one of my cousins and take all of my games down to Joy's to see him.

But it turned out to be just that--a dream, although I walked all the way down to Joy's with my games, I ended up going to the library after drinking a cup of water at Joy's. Joy wants my case manager to make an appointment for me to go down to Social Security.

Also I told Joy I would like to start going to the Restructured Church. She asked if I was over my addction. I said "We'll see if time will tell." But at the library I looked at some things I'm not proud of, so I'm not 100% repentive of my sins yet. I begged God's forgiveness right there in public. He forgave me. 

I got a couple Star Wars books off of the shelf.

You must control your emotions-that brings peace.
You must gain knowedge and wisdom-that takes away ignorance.
You must control your passions- that brings serenity.
You must live in harmony-that takes away chaos.
You must not fear death-everything is the Force.
Through Christ's power I gain Victory.
Through Victory my chains are broken.
Christ shall make me free.


Mastery over base desires, these invisible forces: eating, drinking, sex, dominance over others in accordance with passing whims, brings liberation and wisdom from these hardwired vices. -Plato

Find your Obi-Wan:

It can be really hard sometimes to see the choices we have available to us.  Our imagination and sense of possibility is somewhat limited to experience. Talk to friends, family and mentors about the struggles you face and decisions you need to make.  We all need an Obi-Wan Kenobi.  You might reaiize by talking to this person that you have more options than you'd thought, and more will to exercise.-Stephen Kent.

Free will, they might say, is enhanced by limiting your range of choices in life. Refusing to ever touch a cigarrette means that you'll never have to feel that pain of nicotine addiction dragging you outside to smoke during your child's champion basketball game.

This story can have a happy ending, even if I made some poor choices along the way.


This morning Haley came over and she asked me about my meds and moods then she had to go and see the rest of her clients so couldn't watch any of The Force Awakens. Then I took a long nap. I'm going to Pastor Pete's church today. Pastor Pete is picking me up from the library. I read a Star Wars comic book today.

At Pastor Pete's church the song it is well with my soul gave me comfort. We gave praise reports.

Then Rick took me to the post office, Wal-Mart for him to get him postage
stamps and now we are at Wendy's where we each had a Chocolate Frosty, a large fry and an ice water.

08/12--
FRIDAY



Loki is the god of mischeif who fell from heaven aka Lucifer.

In the Loki program, Loki fell in love with a female version of himself. Lucifer also, because he is a narcissist, according to legend, fell in love with a female version of himself.

Truth is a hard and narow niche, yet is expansive, embraces everything and is eternal and infinite and endless going on, inward and outward forever.-On the nature of truth.

Truth is knowledge of things as they are, as they were and as they are to come-Truth defined.

My next appointment with Haley is Tuesday, August 16 @ 9AM.

I almost fell by the stroke of death for last night's trangressions, and I begged God to spare my life. As I repented in dust, I begged God to always keep me mindful of what almost happened. That will be the way out. God promised that with the temptation would be the way of escape and I'll hold him to that.

Halfway through my It's Personal Daily Journal last night, during my Personal Prayer time, the Lord I believe told me to call Rick. He did not answer his phone after three, four calls so I walked over to his house. The cat, Galadriel, followed me over to Rick's house. Rick pulled into his driveway with Jo's sister and he said he was going over to her house to watch COPS because he couldn't get it at his house. He made the mistake of petting the cat and the cat wanted to stay at Rick's but I carried the cat all the way back to the corner and I followed her home and fed her and made sure she had water. Then I took a shower and went to bed but satan told me to have a sex u al fantasy about Halloween Night and I obeyed him and then watched porn on my laptop, continuing a movie I had started the other day after watching part of a series with nudity in it. After I lay back down to sleep, I almost fell by the stroke of death but I begged God for my life and asked him to remind me of what almost happened next time I am tempted, and that would be the way of escape for me. He did promise it. That with the temptation he would make the way of escape. I'll hold him to it.

I read the Gideon's Life Book 2009 edition of the Book of John pp. 26-31, ate cookies and swept the crumbs and dust off the floor.

The Scriptures are in my heart, engraven on the tables of my heart with an iron pen! I should know better than to look at porn. Father, ever keep me mindful of what almost happened tonight. Amen.


To prove how serious God is about sin, God almost let me fall by the stroke of death again around 5:25 AM. I am begging him not to let me die.

8:50 AM I made it through the night. Satan was mocking me pretending to be God telling me that all people when they reached the end of their life realized satan was the God and that he was going to watch me die and laugh, watching me die a slow agonizing death, telling me it was because I didn't give up Maggie and telling me 'I will mock you when your calamity cometh because you have hated reproof' and 'he who being often reproved hardeneth his neck is destroyed suddenly and that without remedy' and 'I just need to call it quits with Maggie' and other things, torturing me in my legs and feet.

But I made it through the night.

Earlier today I wished Maggie would come back into my life and I heard someone at the door but it was just Steve. He said, is that your cat? You brought him here. You gotta take him in.  I told him that I couldn't afford to take the cat in yet. 'You brought him here. I saw you'. Steve said. 'She was at Rick's.' I said. 'I couldn't leave her at Rick's.'


10:07 AM I'm breakfasting on Tater Tots I made in the oven.

3:22 PM I had pizza and orange juice for lunch.

I slept most of the day.

5:10 PM One of my eyeglasses came out of my frames. Pastor Pete wants me to call him in one hour because he might be coming into town.

6:49 PM Pastor Pete was able to fix my glasses, at least for now. He took me to his son's house where he fed his son's dogs.  We discussed a plurality of Gods and gods and Lucifer being the brother of Jehovah. We prayed that I would lose my sex drive until I get married to a good Christian wife.

6:53 PM Star Wars The Phantom Menace has been on my computer since about  5:20 PM.

7:49 PM TPM is over.

08-14--
LORD'S DAY

Haley needs to take me to the Office of Disability Determinations September 12, 2022, to be tested to see if they still consider me diabled or not. If not, I would lose my SSI, phone, apartment and food supply.

Even if I had a job, it would not be nearly enough to cover my bills.

Haley also will be taking me job hunting. My 8/18/2005 AD DIARY III Rule: Taco Bell is my first choice in my job hunt.

I'm watching a young man slay the Ender Dragon on MineCraft TV.

6:55 PM He slew the dragon, got and picked up Rainbow XP and got the Dragon Egg onto the torch and picked it up.

7:05 PM He beat a battle tower and yielded some big rewards.

7:20 PM He planted the Ender Dragon Egg as a trophy on the front porch of his home base, making the light shine through it.

7:47 PM I've watched up to Episode 3 of Auralnauts' Larry Kenobi.

9:39 PM Around 10:15 PM Rick should be here to finish our game of Monopoly.

10:04 PM The young man spawned and defeated Mobzilla on Minecraft TV.

08-16--
YOM SHLISHI

I wish I was free from porn.
I wish Maggie was here.
I wish I could go to the Restructured Church.
I wish a lot of things.

I was already baptized and confirmed. That was something I wished and God granted that wish through the Three Nephites.

Now I just need to get my life in order.

My dishes aren't even done. They've been sitting there for months now.

I pray that the Prophet directs the Church to start studying the Sealed Book of Mormon again. Amen.

Yesterday I listened to a lot of Enya and Petula Clark songs.


5:48 AM I cleaned my house from top to bottom, starting with washing my dishes, then cleaning my bathroom, making my bed and cleaning out my closet and clearing all my surfaces off. It was hard work but so worth it. Here is what I read in Jesus Today:


 When you are going through a dark time--a hard time--it's easy to project that darkness into the future.  The longer you struggle with adverse circumstances, the darker the way before you appears--and the harder it is to imagine yourself walking along bright paths again.  The temptation is to just give up and let misery be your companion.  So it is crucial at such times to remember that I am your constant Companion.  Moreover, because I am Sovereign God, I am able to turn your darkness into Light.
   When you feel on the verge of sinking in despair, turn to Me for help.  Cllng to My hand, and walk by faith through the darkness.  Do not focus on the circumstances that are weighing you down.  Instead, through eyes of faith, look ahead to brighter times, and praise Me for them.  While you worship Me in the midst of darkness, I enable you to see the first gleam of dawn on the path before you.  Continue walking worshipfully with Me--a walk of faith.  As you persevere along this path, the dim light will gradually shine brighter and brighter till the full light of day.

It is raining buckets outside. I hope Gandalf (I think its a he cat) found a safe dry place to sleep. I didn't feed him last night, but will tonight.

I have been sleeping all day most days and all night also for many days. Depressed, yes, I'd say a little and sick also. But I'll recover soon now that there's health in my house again.

I have the I am bound with a covenant lapel on. Later today Pastor Pete owes me a trip to Chick-Fill-A for getting my house clean, but that's not why I did it. Frankly, I was tired of it being a mess so I decided I'd do something about it. I also did it as penance for last night's porn viewing and self pleasuring.

7:32 AM After going to bed for about an hour after brushing my teeth and putting my jammies on, I got up, made my bed, and took pics of all around my apartment and sent them to Pastor Pete's phone.

Then I sent: Do you want to go to Chick-fil-A today?

Then he sent: Who did that for you?

Then I sent: I did it.

Then I sent: God through me

Then he sent: Proud of you

Then I sent: We need to talk about my life and choices 

Then I sent: I need counsel and wisdom

Then he sent: I'll call after nursing home

Then I sent: Ok. I have an appointment with Haley this morning

When Haley came over I was on the front porch reading through my 49-55'th Diaries, waiting for her as it rained. We went in. We did paperwork she has to complete at her office for the Office of Disability Determinations. She inquired into my meds, moods and lifestyle. I told her all the truth. I told her I was trying to break free from my addiction by learning a better way to live and that I am stable on my meds and I have not had any mood swings lately and I've been sick and in bed a lot, but probably will recover soon because now there's health in my house now that it's clean. She saw that I had done "my dishes and everything". We made plans to go up to Taco Bell next Tuesday at 9AM and talk to them and see how they hire. She may have to help me get a snagajob account and upload a resume. We watched about five-6 minutes of Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens, then she left.


There is a LOT of GOOD stuff in Diaries 49-55. After Haley left I finished reading those seven Diaries. (Up to 'this morning.' on Diary 55, Entry for 8-16 YOM SCHLISHI) 

It gives me a LOT to think about, chew on, ponder. I have been reading passages from the Book of Mormon and Sealed Book of Mormon for the last few days. 

4:08 PM After Pastor Pete got out of the nursing home, he came to my house and inspected my apartment, then took me to Chick-Fil-A, where we talked to a 28 year female waitress who lives in Oak Grove named Hannah. Before I went to Chick-Fil-A, I typed a lot of Diary V. Then, after Chick-Fil-A, we picked up my clothes, which are done now, and came to Pastor Pete's house, where Pastor Pete put my load of laundry in, and I watched The Ewok Adventure 2: The Battle For Endor for the first time, and loved it, and watched a lot of Star Wars Rebels., while typing a lot of DIARY 40. I ate watermelon and peanutbutter and crackers and water, and took Zinc and Vitamin C. For dinner we're having pizza with pepperoni and onions, maybe mushrooms. I need to fold my clothes now.

7:17 PM CDT Pastor Pete and I watched The Rise of Skywalker, ate, and I played part of Star Wars 10: The Ordu Menace for him. Now I'm home and I need to put my clean clothes away.

Pastor Pete gave me The Case For Christ by Lee Stroebel and a new Diary.