06/22--
WODEN'S DAY



                  Tonight is prayer meeting.  I brought my 48'th Diary and the Sealed Book of Mormon.  I'm at the Oak Grove Branch of the RLDS Church (Restoration Branches of Jesus Christ) and Dennis and Delores Heater brought me on very short notice.  I wasn't 100% prepared.  When Elder Dennis picked me up, I still needed to put my belt on.  I put it on in his car.

I got one copy of Zion's call to give away to somebody.

6:59 PM The Priesthood entered.  All is silent.

8:11 PM The Priesthood is exiting.  All is silent. When the Priesthood has exited, then the talk begins.

Cindy Green was busy today so I could not talk to her about Church History Volumes 5-8.  Delores Heater will send her a message about it.  The volumes are not in abundance.

8:34 PM I'm in Pastor Pete's car on the way home.  Dennis and Delores drove me most of the way home.

Pastor Pete and I stopped at the bank.

8:43 PM I took my pills in front of Pastor Pete in his car.

9:40 PM I spent some time on PalTalk and asked Morsian Empire about the Ordu Aspectu.  He might answer tomorrow.

I may stream Albion tonight after I grab a bite to eat.
 

06/26--
LORD'S DAY

6:01 AM I have been, with Christ as my helper, doing spiritual warfare all night, yet I got plenty of sleep.  I have been listening to and broadcasting on PalTalk The Book of Mormon and Sections 1-88 of the LDS Doctrine and Covenants all night long.  A few people listened to the DC.

Since it is only 69°, I turned off my air conditioner for now, leaving my circular fan on.

   When I thought that I had missed my ride to Church from David, I called Rick, but when I went outside, David was there.  I told David Rick was taking me, originally about to call Rick and tell him never mind, but David decided to leave and let Rick take me.  I am in Rick's car now.

8:47 AM I am sitting in a backer row of the congregation.  Early morning worship starts at 9:00 AM.

Paul Ludy did Early Morning Worship and is teaching Sunday School.  The Lesson is the Darkness and Fall of the Jaredites, lesson 9 in Book of Mormon Studies by Thelonia D. Stevens.  We discussed the recent SCOTUS rulings and we are now discussing Alfred White's vision of the Red Ring and the Redemption of Zion, about no law but God's law being inside the ring. 

We discussed establishing Zion and building up the Kingdom and Zion being redeemed by God and us assisting the Lamanites.  I asked Paul if he knew the difference between establishing our own righteousness and establishing Christ's righteousness.  He asked if I knew.  I said "No, I'm asking you." Because I don't know.

10:16 I drew a picture of Maggie on the front cover of this Diary, 



and wrote that she will be in my life someday.  I know she will be.   Mike Ballantyne is bringing the Message.  All I had was a penny to give to offering, so I gave it.

Alma 16

I Enoch

Genesis 1-10 Inspired Version

II Enoch

Ether 1:41-3:39

Mike Ballantyne mentioned a rainbow.

I made a rainbow with paper.  It extends from one punch hole in this notebook to another.

Acts of the Three Nephites.

Doctrine and Covenants 77, 81, 89, 93, 100, 101, 102

III Nephi 5-13

IV Nephi 1:21

Acts 3-4

The Endowment

I owe 15.00 tithes.


100.00 Walmart Gift Card
25.00 QT Gift Card
25.00 QT Gift Card
___________________

150.00 total income
15.00 tithes

12:04:04 PM I am at a potluck lunch.  I am full.  I am done eating.

12:22 I am in Gordon's car.

3:38 PM Della and Gordon took N.J. home after me.  I spent 12:30 PM-3:39 PM in bed, then now I'm going to type Diary 8, 40-Part II and 48, then I will create a Mara/Luke4ever sub-board on the RPG Respawned forum.

9:26 PM In a voice I did not recognize at first as Satan's (for I later compared it to an earlier voice I heard at least twice) that booms to me through the air (God has also boomed to me through the air in a different sounding voice when he convicted me that I had dishonored my father, but this voice I heard today had told me earlier that I was a fool for leaving the multiverse satan had made me a savior of, calling me a mother******, so I knew it wasn't God), Satan's voice told me to get rid of all my Diaries, and I was about to, not learning from my past, when I suddenly realized it was not the voice of God telling me to do that, but the voice of Satan.

At Church at Waldo Ave, I talked to Amanda Stahlman again and touched bases with her.  The Sermon was by Eric Odida, telling me (and all of us) that if we will take steps toward repentance, that by June 26 next year, my situation that I find myself in today will be different, which is good news.  After the Sermon, I was administered to by Brother Elsie and another Brother and can now walk better and the internal head problems are once again healed, and now I know that one day I will lay down and die, and Jesus will resurrect me and welcome me into the kingdom, so I no longer fear death, and if I had tossed and deleted my Journals, I would have nowhere to write that prophecy or yet my Spiritual Experiences.

Before PM Church, I only had time to finish typing Diary 8, and not to continue Diary 40-Part II.

Perhaps Pastor Pete can provide accountability for my Internet like Rick suggested. He is going out of town Thursday.

Pastor Pete is taking me to the Community Services League on Tuesday just for three bags of Commodities because at this time we are only allowed to go one time per month and we have already been there once this month.

I need to discuss getting my new frames with Pete.

06/28--
YOM SHLISHI

12:47 AM Not knowing, the time, thinking it to be around 6 AM or so, I ate toast and peanutbutter and Tastee-O's and water for breakfast.





Since I had been around eyetested people and even hugged them, I rebuked the eyetest in the name of Jesus Christ around 12:37 PM CDT. The eyetest spirits I saw depart from me and I cast them out of my apartment. The eyetest jumps.


At 12: 39 PM I asked God to root the familiar spirit out of my breast and cast it away from me and fill me with more of His Holy Spirit.  I cast the familiar spirit out of my apartment in the name of Jesus Christ.


2:57 PM At the CSL I got commodities and then Pastor Pete took me to the library to turn in The Rise of Kylo Ren and the ChromeBook.  If my frames don't come in by Thursday, Pastor Pete will get me a ride to go get them, for he is going out of town Thursday, and my frames should be in this week.

I downloaded and installed Streamlabs OBS turning OBS's rainbow flag design on its head, meaning two things by it instead-God's Everlasting Covenant, and Maggie May Savoie.

I made two streams today with me both broadcasting The Book of Mormon and me typing Diary 48.

Colt called.  We touched bases.  He's doing ok.  Someone told him things will be better.

A History of The Christian Church, Williston Walker, pp 5-8.


My next appointment with Haley is Thursday.

History class is over.

Also Philosophy I was covered in History.

Next is Music I: Music History.

Then Maths.


Then Philosophy II: Ethics

Then Philosophy III: Aristotle


Philosophy II and III will be combined.  

I ate beef stew over potatoes for lunch.

I turned my Air Conditioner on today.  Inside it was 80 degrees and the windows were shut, the temp outside being 80.

I played RAID: Shadow Legends today.

I put the Iliad, =13.3333pxOdyssey, Aeneid and Kybalion on my phone's homescreen today.

I want to wash my dishes today.


After Philosophy III will be Music II:  Practice and lessons

Then Judaism Studies


Then I can reward myself with Star Wars videos.


Minute and Hour Log


Philosophy I and History: 20 Minutes.

06/30--
THURSDAY

Kids up to 7 or 8 operate in the Theta waves or Dreaming State of their Neo Frontal Cortex.  In a Theta State, you accept all information without question.

Beta waves are accessed in the Neofrontal cortex by age 7 or 8, with which you make Critical Thinking Decisions.

People cannot ever rise above their opinion of themselves, no matter how hard they work.

Law of conformity: Inescapable.

Environment beats will.

Your peer group telling you you can't will make you say you can't.

Self-Mastery is more important than Knowledge Mastery, for Overflow ultimately leads to confusion.

Law of inertia-change is hard because its always easy (for people) to stay where they are.

Self-mastery begins with cell mastery.

Your cells are constantly adjusting to the thoughts of your mind.  If your cells are accustomed (or acclimated) to negative thoughts, the cells will engage in biochemical warfare against your mind in the form of self-doubt and procrastination.

Engaged neural conditioning is the key. (Renewing of the mind with the washing of the water of the Word and the cleansing of the Blood of the Righteous Holy Child Jesus is all that is necessary. Just two chapters and some existential Truth he led me to got me to change my outlook on life. Better than spending 45, 300, 2000 or 4000 dollars on something that would require base hypnosis.)

Marathoners win. Sprinters fail.

Commit to effective action.

Purpose and momentum--a human being is like a bicycle.

Taking the same action I've been taking and daydreaming will not work, it's a fantasy.

Knowledge Mastery--busy and broke.

People aren't overweight because they eat too much--
it's because they haven't mastered their relationship between themselves and food.

People don't go into debt because they don't make enough money, they haven't mastered their relationship between themselves and money.

Release your subconscious brakes.

Release your cell inertia.

What if I don't?

What if I do?

YES
I notice his tactic of Monorailing or Pooling the populace, how he mesmerizes them in the Webinar into wanting their minds altered, hypnotized, controlled by baiting them with these truths.

He takes a popular notion (We always Procrastinate, get stuck in a groove, a rut, a perpetual Groundhog Day) and offers a very costly monitarily solution that, while it works, conditions the brain to the cost of the very soul.

So a conditional YES, Yes I will apply his baits he Truths with to my life, but I am not in need of his programme.


Outer world follows inner world.

I listened to the True Psychotherapeutical Existential Dogmas of Irvin Yalom, tipped off by the Access More Phone App, tipped off by Christian Radio on the car ride home from Beverly and Barbara taking me to Odessa to get new frames.  I love my new frames.  They are black.  Before the car ride to Odessa, I took a Webinar on anti-procrastinatory brain-traing or mind control, but sufficient mind training is in the Scriptures.  I read Proverbs 1 before taking a nap, partly during which I thought that I was under the curse of God, that I wasn't supposed to have this apartment or yet my job at McDonald's. When I got over that, I had a sexual fantasy about finding out Maggie was my wife. This was before I got my new frames. After reading Proverbs 1, I thought my life was a mess. I felt hopeless.


I read Proverbs 2 when I got home.  I had hope.  I did some self-reflecting today.  I got pleasure from reading a Star Trek Comic and from writing my first RTIMMO-I Game story.  Listening to Irvin Yalom's video made me depressed at first.  Is this all life is? I asked. A voice said I want heaven.  I said I want heaven.  That's more than what this life is.  I almost said I hated life, when I stopped myself, realizing that Christ was life. I am going to listen to Irvin Yalom's video again. I confronted death, old age, two things I do not wish to confront.  I said "I'm going to die" I was sad. But "I'm going to grow old" is even worse.

Death
Freedom
Existential Isolation
Meaning.

Choices.

The Choices we make shine the light in our countenance.  The light that we reflect in our countenance is formed by our choices.

   We can try to avoid making choices, but some of those choices will ultimately be made for us if we do not choose.

  We have freedom to

-desire   -choose  -act
-change. -create our own reality.

There are values in life.

We attract those circumstances that reflect the thoughts and fears we secretly harbor.

We attract those people to ourselves that reflect our negative personal choices and habits.

So to change this, we must change ourselves.

One of the ways we avoid decisions is to create a psychic world in which one does not experience freedom but exists under the sway of some irresistible ego-alien ("not-me") force which is what I had done with my Maggie/Junk_bow familiar spirit, which had the power to make a lot of trouble in my life.  This, at least as it regards the ones assigned to me, was related to the eyetest by its own admission.

I saw myself as the innocent victim when in reality my choices had brought me to that point.  It was all my endless fantasy and porn and delusions.

Yes, I messed up last night.  And also fantasized today about Maggie, just before my frame appointment.

Last night, I couldn't sleep at all.  Thing after thing troubled me. I couldn't settle.

I will not be bringing my music book or my piano book to Church Lord's Day because Destiny my half sister is meeting me for lunch after I get off Church.

   I decided that instead of streaming at night and in the evening, I will stream and game in the morning after (I'm deciding now) I've read some Scriptures.

Evening will be for other things, as I wind down for bed.

I am thankful that I confronted death and old age at 39 rather than at 45! That may save my soul!  I will grow old. I will die. It's inescapable.  The illusion of immortality needs to burst NOW.

The drifting decision is where I let my outer circumstances decide.  And if I continue to harbor unclean thoughts, my circumstances will be negative and unclean.

Circumstances does not make the man; it reveals the man to himself.

Last edited by Admin (9/20/2023 8:54 am)

07/03--
LORD'S DAY

Haley came Thursday morning, asked about my moods and how my meds were doing for me, and watched about five minutes of The Force Awakens with me.


    Today, Destiny, my half-sister, is supposed to eat lunch with me after Church.  I'm a little uncomfortable being here during a Sacrament Service that I cannot partake in.  I think I'll go in to the Sanctuary after the Sacrament has been served.

    From "The Transformation of the Twelve" by Gaston Foote

               "We Americans are quite fond of arguments.  We seem to think that the only answer to an argument is a superior argument.  The truth is exactly the opposite.  The only answer to an argument is an achievement.  The only answer to propaganda is a performance.  This is the pragmatic philosophy.  Does it work? "Come and see," said Philip.

 
                                                          I

   The pragmatic philosophy is the method of our contemporary world.

  Men had been arguing for centuries about the shape of the earth.  The traditional belief was that it was flat, the sun revolving around it every twenty-four hours.  What stopped the argument?  Not a superior argument but an achievement.  Ferdinand Magellan, with five ships and 265 men, set his sails westward from Spain and, while Magellan was killed in the Phillipines, eighteen of the 265 men, three long years later, returned to Spain from the east.  That stopped the argument.  At least eighteen men knew that the world was round."

From the book The Great Controversy, by Ellen G. White the Prophetess © 1988 Edition (Fair Use for Transformational Purposes): "



   The painting on the cover is in reality a careful artistic strengthening of the natural colors to be seen in an actual full-color photograph of Planet Earth.  Apollo 17 (December 7-19, 1972) was the last of the six lunar landing.
    On the return trip to Earth one especially magnificent scene was snapped.  Poised hundreds of miles above the earth's surface, the manned spacecraft's camera photographed a view of the planet extending from the Mediterranean Sea in the north to the south polar ice cap far below.  It is the unusually thin cloud cover that renders the scene so dramatic.  Almost the entire coastline of the African continent is visible.  In the far north can be seen the Middle East and Turkey beside the blue Mediterranean.  On the far right--on the eastern side of the planet, past India--can be seen Australia.  Only in the far Southern Hemisphere, over Antarctica, is there heavy cloud cover,--and above it lies one of the largest visible areas of Earth ever seen by man at one time."


Father, if I have tried the experiment in my mind and aligned myself with holy and righteous standards then the results will follow.  But the problem is, I have not always aligned myself with holy and righteous standards.  I am lapsed.  Even if I could take a lesser Communion here, I couldn't partake.
The first Communion I partake of must be on a New Moon done correctly.  I had an experience last night and this morning that I believe is real but now I question because the results did not pan out.  Does that not mean it wasn't real?  I have a wild imagination.  I believe it was a manifestation of my impatience. And the dream I had the other day, was it of you? What leg do I have left to stand on, O Lord?  Help me to be humble and broken, O Lord.  Everyone assures me there is no truth to the Maggie thing, that she herself is a delusion, a fantasy. Is she? Or should I yet hold out hope?  Lead me and guide me, O Lord, to Thy Salvation.


...I believe I should hold out hope.



If the Scriptures are clear about something then the Scriptures are the final say!

The serving of the emblems is over.  Just As I Am was plated on the flute.  It touched me.

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph-Thomas Paine.

The Saints are to be cheerful in their warfare that they may be glorious in their triumph.

11:28 PM @ China Buffet.

Destiny should be at China Buffet at or around 12:30 PM.  David dropped me off here.  I got a table.  My sister wanted a booth so I got a booth instead.  She should be here before 12:30 PM, but not a lot before.

1:58 PM Destiny and I ate, talked, went to visit our Aunt Carol, then Destiny checked out my apartment.  We had a pleasant visit.


Thursday three things are happening:


*Haley will visit for Case Management.

*Pastor Pete is supposed to take me to CSL for more food help, then

*To Walmart to pick up my Meds.




Genesis 1-3:1-14 took me 20 minutes to read for Beanstacks--Oceans of Possibilities Library Reading Program.

I think I should time myself 20 minutes and just read additional reading material on my own, rewarding myself each time I get an hour read and bigger rewards for more hours read.

I studied Vector Calculus a little, and also learned that King David's bones were not found in his tomb- - was he resurrected finally?


The Holy Ghost appreciates all the introspection I have been doing lately.
Confirmed around 5:50 PM, studied it out in my mind, felt Holy Ghost burning in bosom.


Now, Father, can the Delusions be divorced from the woman Maggie, or is Maggie herself a fantasy and is holding onto the hope of her coming back into my life just as Delusional as my delusions? I just have no clear direction on this, just naysayers and Shane who says I'm worried about nothing.

My life makes perfect sense, then it gets chaotic in between, then it starts making sense again, yet the three parts are connected.

  I unblocked I LOVE BRENT on discord several days ago because she never said anything delusional-sounding to me, and it has not yet been proven it's not her on this earth I came back to finally. She may be Maggie. Really, it and the Bates City meeting last October are the only leads I have--that and the Universe not letting me forget the woman no matter how hard I tried to, and God revealing to me how strong and unbreakable my tie to her was, and the other things He has affirmed to me about us having nothing to do with any delusions.


4:58 PM I just took my pills.  Pastor Pete could not observe it because he was driving and wouldn't have been able to observe it later because he's doing a wedding and stuff afterward into late, so he trusted me to be honest again.


    My life has been a lot more stable lately. There were a time here and a time there I had missed my pills, and I guess it made a difference, yet I still hear the evil familiar spirit.



At 6:08 PM I cast the familiar spirit out of me in the name of Jesus Christ and sent it out my air vent.

Porn brings it.

10:26 PM Eric L Johnson is a good Christian Psychologist who espouses Julien of Norwich and SØren Kierkegaard.

11:19 PM I had a wonderful night: Rick invited me out to grab a bite to eat and a shake at Hardee's, then he went to the post office, then we
came back to my apartment and watched four YouTube videos. One on Christian Psychology, two on Musical Math, and Obi-Wan Season 1×4: Blind Wave reaction. He wasn't able to formulate an opinion about it, but his initial reaction to the Kenobi show was 'primal,  primal scream'

As I had with Destiny earlier, I showed him my website. 

Thank You, Father for this day, Amen.